Singled Out

Why is our society obsessed with the perception of monogamy? We don’t seem to be as concerned with actual monogamy, just the concept of perpetuating the myth. It is so ingrained into who we are that it doesn’t always matter if our significant other brings us happiness or adds value to our life in any way. Just so long as we have someone to “complete” us.

 

I can’t begin to tell you how many times in my life strangers, acquaintances and friends feel the need to dive right into a blunt line of questioning that would otherwise be presumed inappropriate. I don’t fit the mold that our culture has deemed acceptable so anything goes. For anyone that knows me, this no nonsense approach is my preferred method of communication, but the part that gets me is although they feel perfectly comfortable asking, they seem a bit taken back that I’m not sad or ashamed. That I don’t long for a life that I just can’t manage or that there isn’t something wrong with me. They can’t wrap their heads around the fact that I am single by choice. It is so far removed from who they are and what they think is the only way, that the most common response is to just not believe that I could possibility be whole, much less happy.

 

I’m a beautiful independent single woman in my 30’s, but you’d think I was trying to pass as the damn Easter Bunny.

 

I am consistently single, but I’m not bitter or broken. I don’t need therapy. Don’t feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the women that can’t come and go as they please because their husbands won’t let them. For the woman that seems to have it all and can only break down and cry in the shower. I feel bad for the mothers who push their careers and children aside for men they know are all wrong because nothing is worse than being alone. I feel sorry for all the women out there that have to sneak and find companionship when they manage to escape to a different zip code. I feel sorry for the daughters that are being exposed to these parasitic relationships. These aren’t abused woman that I am referring to, these are women in socially acceptable relationships that are reducing their overall happiness instead of adding to it for whatever reason.

 

Sure, I know what you’re thinking. Not all relationships are bad. I know there are some healthy happy unions out there and I’m super stoked for those of you who can genuinely find contentment with your partner. You aren’t just playing the part, you aren’t just trying to fill a black hole inside yourself. You aren’t staying for the kids, which is totally horseshit by the way. You are actually part of something amazing and I think that’s awesome.

 

And on an intimate level, do I sometimes wish I had a sweet hunky guy to help me out? Sure. Do I wish that I had a go to date for couples night? Absolutely. Do I most definitely wish I had someone to fix my garbage disposal? Of course I do. I just unequivocally, without a doubt or hesitation refuse to waiver or settle for anything less than an increase to my current level of life. That shouldn’t be weird. That should be the norm.

It’s a sad epidemic that is all around us. It kills me to look over and see so many people wading along in a stagnant pond full of mediocrity, judgement and heartache while I horseplay blissfully in the ocean by myself, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Dirty Little Elbows

I don’t understand kids these days. That is the understatement of the year and writing it makes me feel old, but it’s true. Or maybe I just don’t understand parents and what they choose or don’t choose to teach their kids.

I’m not here to talk about ancient outdated etiquette garbage that belittled kids. I’m not talking about kids with disabilities that hinder the way they interact. What I am talking about is kids that lack the ability to show respect on the most basic of levels. When did it become okay to look down at your feet and barely answer when asked a question? When did “Mom they’re shy” become an acceptable excuse? When did it become okay to leave a sleepover and not find a parent and tell them a quick “Bye and thanks for having me?”

Long ago are the days of Emily Post dictating our every move, but should we really have thrown manners so far out the window? Why is it okay for kids to be such disrespectful little shits? Why isn’t someone within these kids inner circle not preparing them for life?

My kids believe that my background in sales and marketing interfere with my ability to see things normally. That a good handshake and a voice that doesn’t quiver coupled with grateful thinking and the ability to express said gratitude isn’t necessarily a core element to becoming a prosperous adult. They would be wrong.

As a teenage if you can’t bare to deal with such hard questions as “Do you want orange or grape soda?” then please understand when I ask you if you can hear me standing there talking to you, it isn’t my intent to come across as such a bitch. I’m just genuinely worried about the inevitable fact that the world is about to prop its dirty little elbows up on the dinner table and eat you alive.

Offensive Halloween Costumes Are Not News

Let’s try something new this Halloween. Let’s try not to be offended by every costume we see.

Why can’t a little white girl dress as Oprah or that girl from Orange is the New Black, even if she wants to paint her face. So what if a boy dresses up as Elsa. Big deal if two guys at the Halloween party have on matching Indian headdresses. The list of things you can’t be for Halloween offends ME. I recently read an article that explained in grave detail why it wasn’t okay to be a hobo for Halloween. A friggin’ hobo. That’s classic Halloween people. When you’re fighting through the crowds at your favorite Halloween Superstore, I seriously doubt that homeless guy you passed on the street gives a crap which $50 dollar clear bag of plastic and fun you grab. Be an Ebola patient. Do you really think they care? Always dreamed of being a sumo wrestler? Be one for Halloween. Be Tracy Morgan and have a buddy be a Walmart truck driver. Be anyone or anything you want to be. That is what it’s about. 

If we could all take a step back and entertain the fact that everyone isn’t cold and dead inside with the worst of intentions and that just maybe a persons costume might be paying homage to an idol or an ancestor. Maybe it’s their way of dealing with a situation in their lives you know nothing about. Maybe it’s none of your business. Maybe someone goes to far and dresses like Ray Rice and even has a blow up doll with a blackeye, why is it so news worthy? Last year the girl’s parents that dressed like a Boston Marathon victim got death threats. Like serious death threats. People made contact with them and told them they were going to kill them.

We obviously have bigger problems than a little black paint, but this makes us feel righteous and noble and plus it’s a lot easier than actually acknowledging that homeless guy on the way to our superstores.